Maui'd: Powered by the Internet and Hawaiian Dept of Health. / by Mark Fulinara

This weekend I married my friends.  At first, I thought my dream of a much more progressive polygamist future was in store for me but alas, I was to be the officiant in their wedding.  They got married at a beautiful place in Maui and everything and everyone about it was idyllic.  I took a lot of photos, but have yet to post much because Hawaii is so beautiful, it's almost like shooting fish in a barrel while taking steroids; it's just unfair.

I have to admit, I showed up to be the officiant and was just way too cocky about it.  I rehearsed a bunch, and pride myself on my public speaking abilities.  But this wasn't a Beta Lion show, this was my friend's very special day, and I GOT NERVOUS.  I can count on one hand the amount of times I've felt nervous in that way.  I haven't felt like that since my own wedding.  It's interesting, what your body does with nerves.  I didn't break into a sweat, nor did I tremble.  My mouth was where my nerves expressed themselves.  My mouth dried up completely.  I felt like a mummy delivering his first words in a thousand years.  There was a mid point in the ceremony where I was conscious that I had hit a skid, and I got really mad at myself.  I thought, "Fuck that, this isn't about you, get it together!" and somehow my anger miraculously rehydrated my mouth and I was able to carry on as planned.  My wife said it was noticeable that I had a "Masato moment" where I just picked my shit up and moved forward.  I'm still dwelling on the fact that it didn't go as well as I'd rehearsed, but luckily the bride and groom are such a powerhouse couple that they charmed the audience into a weeping frenzy without my help.

 Pictured:  My dry mouth conch blowing failure, saved by the help of the groom.  Myyyyyyyy hero.

Pictured:  My dry mouth conch blowing failure, saved by the help of the groom.  Myyyyyyyy hero.